that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
