going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
It's just like the Real World with babies
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
