I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
