one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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