John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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