just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
