We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pants are for mortals
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
