I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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