gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
