it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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