how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
