I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
