Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
