Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
