I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
