ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
