She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
