Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
