i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's Friday. Sex?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
