Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
