Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
