She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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