covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
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I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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