don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
