I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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