i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
COCAINE IS GR8
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
