OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
