I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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