Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize