i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
