i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
