I heard we made out
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
