I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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