this beer tastes like vomit already
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
