I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
