she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
