The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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