I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
