I cockslap morals
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
