he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
