I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
