I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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