Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
