Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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