1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
