a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
