when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
