I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
COCAINE IS GR8
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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