Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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