Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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