She said her name was "party"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
