The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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