All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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