I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
