I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just threw up on my dentist
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
