she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
