i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
