Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
