Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
