some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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