she looked like the before picture.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
