she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
