Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
