Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
