my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
