for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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