consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
