Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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