then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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