You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
