SEEEEXXX PLEASE
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
