I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
