He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Too much gin, very little bucket
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
