can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I looked at my own cervix.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
